Moms Need Support

Meet Brooke Laufer, the teacher of the New Moms Group at Adeline's Room. Below she shares her experiences from her first pregnancy.

When I first became pregnant with my daughter I felt an incredible mix of emotions that were so confusing and nameless I ended up calling them "an existential crisis". That was my first trimester, a lot of confusion and a lot of tears, and a looming question: why aren't I excited about this baby like other mothers seem to be? What is wrong with me? Eventually I felt the baby kick, we put the ultrasound pic on our fridge, we gave her a name, and I felt a little better: more
connected. But as the months went on, the thoughts turned to the delivery -- the pain! -- the hospital, the fear of what would come after we got home, and the reoccurring feeling that I couldn't undo this.

For the first times in my life I truly could not control something. And that's when my anxiety attacks started. My husband got scared watching me shake at night and none of my friends had been through this, I didn't know who to turn to and I sunk. But then, with help from a distant mom/therapist acquaintance who I knew I could trust because she had admitted to me that she had anxiety attacks, I sought help. I found a therapist and a psychiatrist. I stabilized and one month later gave birth to my flaming red haired daughter, commonly referred to as "the tornado" (pronounced in a Spanish accent). I was anxious, but I was in love.

A few months of getting to know this little creature, of not sleeping regularly, of entertaining in-laws, and eventually seeing my husband off to work again, the intrusive thoughts started. I kept seeing harm come to my baby, sexual harm. I was alarmed, and ashamed. I felt disconnected from my new baby, but mostly I was terrified I was losing my mind. So I mentioned it to my therapist and my psychiatrist, and I discovered I was experiencing something akin to Postpartum Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Frankly, I was relieved. There was a name for what I was experiencing and I could treat it. And I did. The thoughts went away almost as quickly and strangely as they had come, and once again I could connect with my baby. I could then move onto to months of sleepless nights, issues with breastfeeding, dilemmas about sleep training, food fights, daycare boycotts, doubts about returning to work, self-esteem plummets, refinancing our mortgage to keep the nanny, and endless hours of unadulterated joy with our little Miss Josie. Oh, and voila, I'm pregnant again.

Did I mention, I'm a psychologist? I'm a person who has been in school for several years studying behavior, I have been trained in a variety of techniques to treat mental health issues, I have seen several therapists in the last 15 years, I understand a great deal about anxiety and depression, and yet I was blindsided by pregnancy and motherhood. And I can honestly say I'm glad for it, as it has forced me to relinquish control (my husband might argue there's still a lot more to relinquish) and it has forced me to grow. Thank goodness for that. My experiences have also enabled me to connect to amazing women -- new moms, old moms, experienced moms, never-wanna-be-a moms -- and not just moms in the 'happy moms club', but moms in the 'miserable and afraid club'. So I decided to take my experience and pursue it, which brings me to the point.

Because many women don't like to admit when things are dark and messy, postpartum depression or anxiety remains relatively hidden in society. There is a lot of shame around not being the perfectly happy, nursing, connected, loving mom. In my pursuit to reach these women, I have joined the postpartum mental health networks, taken the classes, and attended the conferences and what I'm discovering is there are about 20% of us with perinatal mood disorders. They can be correlated to a number of risk factors -- a history of mental health issues, lack of support, traumatic birth experience, loss, prior abuse, etc. -- but postpartum issues can absolutely be treated and cured.

I'm hoping to help women gain knowledge, find support, and mostly feel comfortable and accepting of themselves while approaching and muddling through motherhood. One important way for women to heal and grow is by connecting with others to remind themselves they are not alone. I will be co-facilitating a New Moms Group at Adeline's Room starting March 13th. I also am happy to see women in my private practice in Evanston.

Brooke Laufer is an IL Licensed Clinical Psychologist and mom who has been working with people-- providing therapy, family counseling, teaching, and consultation--for 10 years. Brooke specializes in Women's Health, Maternal Mental Health, and Adolescence Substance Use. She has both professional and personal experience with postpartum depression and anxiety and she hopes to support women who are adjusting to motherhood.

To register for the New Moms Group, please visit Adeline's Room.